surrender

apa mimpi tah aku nak diet2 ni. gi mati la. aku nak makan SKRG!

ps. koko krunch pun boleh.

hey there

so i have reader all the way back in Australia? hey there Ms.Davis :)

Liyana 101

i started out wearing nail polish when i was 6 years old. heheh. back then i even painted them colours on my brothers' fingernails. i was obsess with nail polish. who to blame la, i was 6, living in singapore with them chinese, so you can guess where i got the influence from.

It's backkkk

lamanya x pergi bijou. imma go with my momma and ask her to bargain every item possible! (she's a great bargainer) hehe

Strolling down memory lane

during my high school year, i was that girl who :

1. gedik. entah la, that was what everyone told me until i was in form 3. lepas tu, i haven't heard of the phrase nymore. cehhhhh. hahaha.

2. i was that girl who had her kain sekolah ripped when she was on stage in front of all the pupils from Hulu Langat District to receive our anugerah cemerlang pmr. sakai gila aku. naik atas pentas kain koyak. not literally koyak but the side stitch terbukak. but all went well, balik rumah dpt rm200. kau dpt ke? hahah!

3. i was that girl who always had her kain tudung stained with any food particles being sold at the canteen after recess. lepas rehat je, mesti ada stain dkt tudung. usually it was the sambal ikan bilis from the nasi lemak i had or kuah mee kari all time favourite.

4. i was that girl who never wore white socks. boringnya white socks. there was this time during form 5 i did not even bother to buy one, i rasa i pakai colourful socks dari awal tahun sampai la habis spm.

5. i was good in essay. nak jugak la menggelabah kau je ke boleh shesh. i dapat highest in penulisan bahasa melayu waktu trial hikhikhik.

6. i suka datang lambat. the assemblies were boring. lepas pmr je, nothing about that school matters to me anymore. i datang sbb nak amik spm je. after spm, i wanna get the hell out of there. and i did :)

7. nama i x penah naik carta pelajar salah laku. baik kan?

8. i bukan teacher's pet. and i hate teacher's pet.

9. i tried to be someone in highschool, i tried to achieve something just for the sake of memories but in the end, i could not care less and i give up trying.

10. oh last but not least, i was also that girl who accidentally threw her compasses to her Biology teacher. yaAllah nasib baik tak terkena Puan Zehan i was actually aiming it to my 'very good friend' whom i found very annoying.

so now you know why i told you i hate my high school years? :)

Just another post

ever since i enrolled myself in what they called the Biological Science Programme in this oldest institution in malaysia, my bond with my mother strengthen. we are more open, we talk more, we talk all the time in fact. and everytime i nak balik college we hug so tight i never felt we were this close before. see, i told you. absence makes the heart grow fonder. i always love some distance exist between those i care, be it families or friends. i don't know, i just work that way :)

sbb kalau jumpa hari2 banyak friction, betul tak?

on another note, whilst the mother-daughter relationship with my mother is nurtured, my bond with the father is weaken. for this i blame his 'absence and lack of interest' during every conversation i try to pry his attention into. the father seriously needs to read men are from mars, women are from venus! for example, there was one day he picked me up from college and on the way back home, i told him about my day (for the sake of a conversation) and all he answered was a "hmm" and he continued his conversation with my brother about what guys talk the best, sports. dash underscore dash!

see, if football does not exist, my father and brother would have nothing to talk about with each other. if Ford never invented a vehicle back then, my father and brother would have nothing to talk about in their convo either. because truth to be told, THAT IS ALL THEY CAN TALK ABOUT. boys and feelings, they just can't exist in the same sentence aren't they? haha.

Out of the box

if i could taste love, then what will it tastes like? is it going to taste nicely like how it appeals to be, or is it just one of those things on god's earth that claims to be good but treat you otherwise? i tasted love. few times during my pre-adult age. yes, those high school moment of curiosity and all. but i don't think those are love that i tasted. because they were temporary. when love claims to be long lasting and every sweetest adjectives you can get out of the Oxford dictionary. call me a hopeless romantic, but this three-words-eight-letters issue is what i find the most complex after quantum physics and Newton's Gravitational's Law, of course. and i want to feel love, the good one :)

you know what, i really hate myself when i am all mushy like this haha! but isn't that what blog usually do?

Here's what i feel

is feeling a little empty lately. reason? tak nak cakap. haha. gediknya. seriously, i do not know myself. BUT THIS HAS TO STOP! but how can that be possible when you're so adorable? hikhikhik.

You made a rebel out of a careful man's careless daughter

I never wanted to go to past and hope that love works out. I believe there's bigger thing awaits me in the future :)

i love it here. i love this place. tak silap rasanya pilih tempat ni utk sambung study. maybe yes ada few pros and cons, and sometimes the cons highlight the pros brighter but when you have a bunch of friends who can you can clique with, everything else just doesn't matter anymore. cewahh.

i love it here because i have friends from various places from all over Malaysia. tak de la duduk bawah ceruk Bangi je. haha.and getting to know them means getting to know the lifestyle of people of Malaysia from all walks of life. x wonderful ke tu? i think it is :)

sorang mcm ni, sorang mcm ni. sorang kecek lagu ni, sorang buat hal dia je. haha. human is diversity.

saja je nak cakap

i x suka family yg westernize kan anak dorg. tak reti cakap melayu konon, speaking konon, org putih konon. hellllooo, ic kau kata kau melayu, kulit kau x de la mcm R-Patz glowing2 gitu, rambut kau pun hitam, lepas tu your breath pun bau belacan, sheesh pergi beli cermin la. sorry la, i bukannya x nak ikut peredaran zaman x nak join awak ni semua speaking sama2, tapi sbb i duduk dkt Malaysia jadi i kena la speaking bila it is relevant to do so. x kan la i nak ckp omputih dkt mak cik kafe, nnt kesian diorg terkulat2 nak carik translator. and i cukup x setuju bila mak i suruh kami adik-beradik ajar adik-adik kami cakap omputih je dkt rumah. so dia fluent. helllllooo, family i mother tongue bahasa melayu, spm aku english A plus je muahahaha when there's a will there's a way ok sayang, bak kata cikgu bahasa melayu i dulu, kalau u betul2 org bahasa, x kisah la bahasa apa u belajar, semua u terror. so tell me what makes u so special if you're so fluent in speaking this international language? ada million of others who can do better than u sayang :)

oh btw, who the hell from Oak Brook, Illinois datang bertandang ke blog i few days back? I ada peminat luar negara ke? HAHAHAHAHAHA not. anyway, hi *waving hysterically*. bye.

I wish..

it's nice to know what you want to do in life. it's like having light paving your way from one end of a tunnel to the other end, so you won't get lost and your track is clear. so after many attempts of 'figuring things out' and 'finding myself', i hope that either psychology or cosmetic chemistry would be the field i would get myself involved in the future. please god don't make me change my mind lagi dah. fyi, my frequency of changing interest is very very high. so the next time you talk to me about life and career choice, don't be suprise if i end up to be a surgeon hahahah ( that will be impossible considering betapa takutnya saya kepada darah manusia and the anatomy).

i remember few days back when i was very excited about furthering my study in psychology. i walked back to college from class having my brain all excited spreading my plans out. nnt lepas foundation nak buat tu, nak amik tu, nak amik ni, habis bljr nak keje dkt situ, by this age mesti reach this position etcetc. but only to have my plans and dreams crashed when mother told me she doesn't fancy me and psychology exist in the same sentence. so i rebelled. telling her she doesn't know me well. she is not the one who is going to juggle herself bwh timbunan buku tgh2 malam. but after so many things happened between me and her that solely pointed out that her thoughts are always right, i hesitate.. tapi takpela it is still too early to come out with a conclusion. saja je nak buat coretan dkt sini considering it has been forever since i last posted something. haha. btw, SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN DARI (is it dari or daripada?) SAYA SETULUS IKHLAS okayyy. zero-zero ye? roger and out.

I would appreciate it if you could,

1) say 'excuse me' whenever you want to pass by instead of langgar me with ur cheap pvc handbag (it's not that i bother so much about the handbag, it's ur ethic. it's sickening. kata pegi sekolah. apa kau bljr?)

Perasan.

u see, having a live traffic feeds at ur blog is really not helping at all in my case. for that it disturbs me by making me think thoroughly about for example, who the hell that lives in Semenyih that just got into my site few hours ago, or do i have any friends who by any chance happen to live in Puchong and he or she happened to visit my blog few days ago, or perhaps who the freak from Miri, Sarawak just stopped by here? (Is it you, Chibi? If it's you then HIIIII! haha)
and yes, i am that curious.

BOHHHHHrink.

when i first started blogging i didn't know what i'll end up jotting down here considering that i am all reserve and shit. and i still don't know. and i am still all reserve and shit. so im a college student now. it's been that way since 8th june 2010.

malas la nak cerita pnjg2. nak tau tanya jela. and oh btw, i miss my friends like shit. the real one. sob sob.

You're not my type if you..

1) demonstrate yourself as a topshop ambassador 24/7

2) don't eat veggies

3) like everything that is unhealthy (oily foods, excessive carbo-diet, etc)

4) your favourite pastime is bragging what you/your family/your friends do in your/their pastime that is so awesome everyone must know

5) love to lepak BB

6) are actively involved in the so-called social scene (indie/heavy metal/hardcore/hujan/ribut/petir)

7) few inches shorter than i am (how am i going to get to wear heels that way? this is like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes all over again when katie had to bend her knee in their wedding photograph because tom is obviously shorter than katie, they said)

8) don't practice a healthy islamic way of life ( i certainly don't want my kids to end up behaving like satan and spending my entire golden years figuring out who's fault it is)

9) sexist

10) have a very deep interest in the world of pornography (please)

11) immature

12) have an ex-girlfriend that you still keep in touch with every single day every single second (there is a solid reason why it is called ex-girlfriend not girlfriend)

13) have an addiction towards anything narcotic

14) don't look anything like Van Diesel or Matt Lanter

15) are skinnier than i do (i don't want to be blamed when our kids end up being 'healthy' and 'nourished')

16) dye your hair with any sort of unnatural looking colours (blue, green, white, silver, shocking pink, etc)

17) love yourself. only yourself.

and the list can go on and on :)

@_@

i am obsess with detoxifying.

!

You're not original.

Who am i?

I thought this whole identity crisis issues only emerge once u reach ur pre-teen stage and it'll fade away along with ur step towards adulthood, but now i'm guessing not. I still have issues with myself. I am still figuring out who i am. As much as i hate to admit it, but i do wander every night before i go and lay myself in bed about what kind of person i am, which type of individual i fall into and all those things that sometimes keep you awake for the entire night.

Sometimes i talk about things and i don't know why i said them. Sometimes i do things and i cannot figure out why i want to do them. I want to be like this but i am afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone. I want to be like that but i am scared those people around me might justify the actions i take. Or they might get hurt from the outcome. I don't want to be self-centered but sometimes i just cannot help it trying to protect myself from being hurt. I want to be casual, friendly and cosy and every positive values people look for in a friend but sometimes you just make it hard for me to turn that into reality. I try not to care. I try to take things lightly. I don't want to be bothered. Buat lek je it'll pass it'll pass but for how long can it lasts?

Sedih

i cannot believe i only have a few days left to spare now :(
i cannot believe that in a few days time i will find myself waking up in a different bedroom, taking my shower in a different bathroom, eating my meal in a whole different dining room.
changes are good, but not preferable. i hate the whole adapting process. tell me i will survive :'(